2026-08-13

• Meditation week 1 log (week of 2026-08-10)

2026-08-13

• Ok it’s Thursday morning, I haven’t been populating this
• Partly because me & Roger had 1 hour calls Mon-Wed where we caught up on stuff, so also populating here didn’t feel super necessary
• This morning we’re not having a call so I can populate this a bit

How the week has been going

1. My concentration feels improved!
2. I really like the https://iamexplor.ing/l/session-types/breath-counting !
3. Our calls have been super useful
   • Exploration of my blockers
   • Exploration of good practices to do

Week plan

• Practice types:
  1. Breath counting via iAm
  2. Strong determination sits (for equanimity training, aversion/craving training)
  3. Somatic connection (a kind of open awareness that I currently like less than eyes open open awareness (will explore this below))
  4. Charlie Awbery-style open awareness (idk if Roger cosigned this though?)
• Practice types that aren’t part of this right now but maybe should be?
  1. Direct fetters stuff, e.g. fetters 4 & 5 (the whole Michael Stroe “huge drop of suffering in a very efficient way” stuff)
  2. Relational practices w/ Ediya (could be super efficient & good)
  3. Metta etc - happily deferred, think this can just come later
• Other things:
  1. Macro-practice to return to: do things without thoughts e.g. when washing the dishes
  2. “Social freedom rep” - do a socially aversive thing like e.g. saying hello to someone at a cafe, or going into a cafe sweaty and sit with the feeling, or meditate in a cafe (eyes open to look extra freaky?)

Things worth writing about

• I’m aware that time spent writing isn’t time spent meditating, so I don’t wanna spend ages writing here
• The main thing that comes to mind right now is that I don’t feel very strong motivation w/r/t the “somatic connection” sit type
• Will explore that here → Initial aversion to somatic awareness practice, 2026-08-13

Evening

• Woo, I did the open awareness sit that I was feeling doubt about (as explored in Initial aversion to somatic awareness practice, 2026-08-13)
• It was good actually!!
• Full write-up at the bottom of that doc. Headlines:
  • The “maybe I just have alexithymia” story broke once I stopped requiring sensations to be big and obvious
  • Caught somatics for worry, daydreaming, annoyance, effort, relief — not just sounds
  • Key finding: I can’t hold a thought and its soma at the same time — I collapse into the thought, then catch the residual somatics on waking up
  • First time I’ve seen active inference / vasocomputation directly (frowning + tensing while lost in a work thought)
  • Ran it solo and dropped Roger’s sequence — the full protocol still needs the list or his guidance